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A Very Unicorn Halloween

A Very Unicorn Halloween published on 4 Comments on A Very Unicorn Halloween

Happy Halloween Soupies!

*If the video doesn’t load please reload the page, I swear it’s worth it.  Or watch it here.

Well, the election is nearly over.

Take a moment to thank whatever merciful deity you pray to that it’s nearly over, then immediately question its existence for putting you through this hellish election in the first place.

Thank you little girl, you put into words and adorable tears the torment and ache in my soul.

Soon it will all be over–well for about 18 months it’ll be over, then the perpetual campaign will start up again. I wonder if Canada is taking applications.

On a gaming note, what little time I’ve had for gaming has been spent with The Witcher 2. If you’re not up on the series imagine a good game set in the Game of Thrones universe, and you’ve about got it. Great story, voice work, and a really deep and novel RPG system.  It’s also brutal, dark, funny, and really engaging. No doubt a comic will be coming soon–maybe like a Geralt of Rivia meets…dainty JRPG protagonist and wackiness ensues.

Cheers,

Jack

Liars, Damn Liars and Magic Players

Liars, Damn Liars and Magic Players published on No Comments on Liars, Damn Liars and Magic Players

One of my wife’s friends and colleagues is an honest to goodness Montana rancher. His ranch has been in his family for approaching a century.

He spends long hot summers on horseback herding cattle, mending fences, and working harder before breakfast than I do all day.

Oh, and he’s in his 60’s. Before you get the wrong idea (quaint anachronism and all that) I should tell you he has a degree in Mathematics from the University of Chicago. He’s no bumpkin.

To unwind after work he “gardens.” I’ve added the quotation marks because it would be easier to measure his “garden” in acres than it would in feet. His garden is entirely organic, not so much because he’s into the organic food movement, but because he’s old school.

Old, old school, and very generous.

All week we’ve been gorging ourselves on the produce that he gave us, produce that tastes alive–I don’t know that there’s any other way to say it.

I had a meal of exclusively corn that I shucked moments before I cooked it–corn so perfect that salting or buttering it would have been a sin.

I rinsed most of the dirt off of a carrot and ate it up to the greens, the bit of grit in my teeth only added to its perfection.

I sauteed zucchini, squash, peppers, more corn, onions, carrots, and tomatoes–into something approaching Joy.

Perhaps, that’s why I was so disappointed with the restaurant we ate at today. Nothing I ate tasted as if it had once been alive.

The authentic “Italian” cuisine, from America’s favorite Italian chain, did have some good points though.

For instance, it had volume, as in there was shit ton of it. The restaurant was also a generous with the number of calories offered.

The meals did look nice, they came in shapes and colors that signified food.

That said, the chefs who designed the meals did make an interesting choice in opting not to actually include flavor of any kind.

It’s alright though, I’m at home and I have access to flavor. Flavor I’ll achieve with a pot of boiling water and the ear of corn I’m about to shuck.

Cheers,

Jack

Cutting the Cord

Cutting the Cord published on 5 Comments on Cutting the Cord

We did cut the cord and I regret nothing.

I still watch way too much TV, but happily I’m not paying to watch the same program three times on different services (i.e. Cable, Amazon, Netflix, Hulu).

On the TV front, we’re re-watching The Walking Dead to pre-funk for this fall’s Season 3. I’ve come to a few conclusions:

  1. T-Dog’s continued presence on the show is not as inexplicable as one might expect. Although his character is poorly developed and ignored for the majority of Season 2–I’ve figured out why he’s still around.  He’s around so Merle can get revenge. Then we get a Darryl vs Merle brother fight. It’ll be glorious.
  2. Lori is more toxic than the zombies.
  3. Shane was almost always right.
  4. If my wife had to choose a survivor to be with it would be Shane. I suggested Hershel, but she stuck with Shane. Women are weird.
  5. I would like to go fishing with Otis, and I don’t even care for fishing.
  6. Lastly, and this is hard to admit, I realized that if the Zombie Apocalypse does strike I have virtually no marketable skills. My existence is completely dependent upon a well functioning civil society. I am good at reading and analyzing books–a skill I trade for cash. I can’t hunt, shoot, fish, build, forage, fix, or really do anything.

Before I bid you all a very fond farewell this week, I’d like to give a shout out to my friend Brian. He’s writing a blog for, Soup Friend, Javis Ray over at Legacy Control. Brian is a stellar writer who puts out some really funny nerd-culture commentary. Whatever he writes I read and you should too.

Cheers,

Jack

A Dish Best Served Cold

A Dish Best Served Cold published on 1 Comment on A Dish Best Served Cold

I like the expression, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

I can’t help but think that when the Klingons coined the phrase, they had borscht in mind. Both revenge and borscht are a kind of punishment. Neither is very pleasant–though if you’ve got to endure it it may as well be cold.

It can’t make it any worse.

Any Foodies who once saw Bobby Flay extol the virtues of borscht and have stored away his snarky borscht loving rant, perhaps even practicing it in the shower can kindly shut it. No one likes beets.

They’re gross.

Thanks for reading, now go buy that special lady in your life some ice cream–if she doesn’t finish it you’re entitled to woman scraps.

Cheers,

Jack

Everyday is Halloween

Everyday is Halloween published on 2 Comments on Everyday is Halloween

Since brevity is the soul of wit…I’ll be as long as I want.

We cut the cord today. At 2:53 pm the wife and I ushered in a brand new chapter of our lives.

This chapter will be written entirely without cable. I’m so proud, and $60 a month richer.

Like the 7 million other Americans who I wrongly believe cancelled their cable subscriptions this year, cable just didn’t make sense to us anymore. With Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Hulu all on my PS3 I never watched it anyway. I’m too impatient to watch any series week to week, and it’s simply impossible for me to wait for them to come out on Netflix, so invariably I’d rent or buy them anyway. Cable TV companies, like newspapers, bookstores, and any other information that can be digitally distributed, are doomed.

A quick tangent, part of our cord-cutting was over our general frustration with HBO and their HBOGO service (a service we’re excluded from because our cable carrier didn’t support it). All my wife and I wanted to do was watch Game of Thrones Season 2, then cancel our subscription like normal people.  We’d also have been happy to buy Season 2, like we did Season 1 on Amazon Prime, but the cable companies and HBO have put up too many barriers to accessing their content. I have no doubt that there are a host of legal agreements that prevent HBO from distributing like AMC did The Walking Dead, but it’s still infuriating.

I’m a petulant and coddled media consumer. I want my tawdry fantasy world full of complex and compelling characters, and I want them now! I want the Imp, the Dragon Chick, the White Walkers! Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee, now, now now!

A really nice article appeared in Forbes on just this topic and how it has helped spur the well over 25 million (a number I didn’t make up) pirated GoT downloads.

Oh and I swear if any of you nerds post spoilers I’ll bury you alive in a box. Just like my boy Bob Newhart.

Cheers,

Jack

The Other Guy

The Other Guy published on 3 Comments on The Other Guy

This week I’ll be tackling some FAQ’s for the blog:

Question 1, comes from, “My need to accentuate the positive.”

What is the average height of the Unicorn Soup staff?

Great question! Unicorn Soup is staffed exclusively with the awkwardly tall. The average staff member is 6’4 1/2 ” tall.

Unless of course we’ve gotten into our wives’ heels again.  In which case, we become far taller and far more awkward.

Question 2, comes from, “My sense of self-loathing.”

A lot of your strips deal with husbands humiliating themselves in front of their wives.  Are humiliations such a common experience in your real life?

Apparently, “My sense of self-loathing” is single. Look back after you’re married and this will seem like a silly question.

Question 3, comes from, “My need for external validation.”

Your comic is great! In two words or less, can you tell me how Jim became such an amazing artist and how you became such a hilarious writer?

Gamma rays.

Question 4, comes from, “My desire to sit at the cool kids’ table.”

Other than your own, what are some of your favorite webcomics?

Most of these are NSFW due to naughty words (Zombie Boy excluded).

Legacy Control

The Obscure Gentlemen

The Frumps

twxxd

Zombie Boy

We follow and read quite a few outstanding talents, but I’m too tired to post them all.  Follow me (Jack) on Twitter for more awesome webcomics.

Our final question comes from, “Fear itself.”

Boo!

*Scream*

Cheers,

Jack

When I Consider How My Light is Spent

When I Consider How My Light is Spent published on 6 Comments on When I Consider How My Light is Spent

The comic–Jim gracioiusly agreed to let me release my inner pedant. So, prepare your skullcave for some book learnin’.

Fact:  It’s well documented that James Joyce was a Pokemon fiend.

Fact:  Hemingway hunted everything including the Covenant.

Fact:  Zelda cooked with a Tommy Gun and F. Scott could Tokyo-Drift.

Fact:  I spend too many hours on the couch.

We need recreation, but tabulation of the hours, days, weeks poured into those hobbies invariably triggers some deeply seated Catholic guilt response in me.

Pleasure=Selfish

Selfish=Bad

Or more elloquently,

When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless…

John Milton

Don’t let your talent lodge worthlessly within you friends.

Cheers,

Jack

Twxxd podcast featuring Unicorn Soup is up!

Twxxd podcast featuring Unicorn Soup is up! published on 1 Comment on Twxxd podcast featuring Unicorn Soup is up!

As Jack had mentioned before, he and I joined the Twxxd brothers for an episode of their regular podcast. That podcast is now available online. It’s fun and informative. You’ll marvel at the compelling origin story of Unicorn Soup! Your mind will boggle when you learn where the name came from! You’ll learn how to make alcoholic beverages that may or may not cause blindness! You’ll shudder to learn the diabolical process that we use to make the comic! And Jack will share a life lesson that will make your life richer and guarantee* you’ll get laid more often!

Go listen, and let us know what you think!

 

*not a guarantee.