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Birthing Class

Birthing Class published on No Comments on Birthing Class

This week’s comic was inspired by the classes my wife and I took before Baby Indy was born.

I did learn some useful stuff in those classes, and some weird stuff too.

Like, I learned that women of all backgrounds seem to relish stories of berserker women mangling their husbands during a contraction.  I’ve never seen an audience so rapt, as our class of pregnant women when the nurse told stories about bedridden women in full stirrups lashing out…

“So he reminded her again that she’d made a pledge not to take any pain meds during birth, and told the doctor she could tough it out.  Before we knew what was happening, she’d gotten a hold of the forceps…”

“Another time, a husband arrived still wearing his golfing glove.  Apparently, he’d decided to play-out the hole rather than come directly to the hospital.  Once we got her to let go, his hand lacked anything you could call a digit.  It was really more of a mashed fleshy flipper…”

Thank God my wife loves me and she spared my hands.  I’m pretty sure I could run a dual axis controller with flippers–though I’d prefer not to have to.

Cheers,

Jack

The Vault

The Vault published on No Comments on The Vault

If you haven’t played Borderlands… SHAME!

Oh shameful gamer, you have deprived yourself of a really entertaining co-op experience.  Perhaps even worse, you didn’t have the background knowledge to get this week’s Unicorn Soup comic.  So here’s some crummy exposition.

Borderlands is a game predicated on the well known fact that gamers love collecting shinier, bigger and flashier stuff.  All this collecting leads your protagonist to the mysterious “Vault” where players are led to believe there’ll be amazing stuff.  In the end though, the Vault isn’t crammed full of guns it’s crammed full of an angry space… well, you saw the alt-text this week.

It looks like a vagina with teeth.

To purge that visual, here’s a teaser trailer released this week at Gamescom…it’s not very long so you may have to watch it several times to get the teeth thing out of your head.

Cheers,

Jack

Borderlands 2: Official Teaser Trailer

Good news everyone…

Good news everyone… published on No Comments on Good news everyone…
Ode to DocSciurus
Work Bad. Futurama Good. Plagued by productivity? Why not hide in the ceiling for the rest of the day and put heads in jars?

I don’t usually use many of the “Apps.”  That said, I’m a sucker for free stuff and Futurama.  I’ve been canning my friends and family all day–and you should be too.  Here’s the link.

Cheers,

Jack

Quick Time

Quick Time published on No Comments on Quick Time

I like to imagine that one day I’ll get a fan letter.  In my imagination my fan letter goes a little something like this…

 

Dear Jack,

You and Jim are my “Bill and Ted.”  I’d like to be your Rufus.  I have a time traveling phone booth, streamlined ponytail, and trench coat.  I’m also from the future.

Much like the fictional Bill and Ted, your art has changed the future—because of you a transcendent period in human history will dominate the millennia following your deaths.  Poverty and disease are distant memories. War has been forgotten.   Facebook now allows people to permanently delete their profiles.  It’s a beautiful period in human existence. 

Also, much like Rufus, I believe that I can help to protect you from the forces that are conspiring to destroy you.  You should know that a Replica Jack and Jim are even now bound for the awesome studio apartment you share.  You’ll be happy to hear that I was able to wound the Replica Jack last Thursday at the city pool.  Find enclosed the pinky toe I was able to bite off Replica Jack in the deep end. 

Please write back soon and enclose your apartment number.  I’ve found your apartment complex, but I’m really getting tired of knocking on doors.

Sincerely,

“Rufus”

PS  I hate you.

PPS  Let’s not fight.

PPS  Does Jim ever talk about me?

PPPS  What was the first comic you and Jim ever wrote together?  I was unable to find this in the Jack-a-torium (or as you would call them the library). 

 

Wow.

That was a long fan letter, I’m not reading that.  In my imagination I’m very busy.

I’m just going to imagine my secretary takes care of my fan mail.

Cheers,

Jack

PS   “Quick Time” was our first comic.

It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village published on No Comments on It Takes a Village

Cats have a natural attraction to the Big Gulp.  Poor Darryl is fighting a battle he’ll never win.  With that cleared up…

Johnny’sCake is the character I most associate with my own experience.  That’s not to say Unicorn Soup is autobiographical, it’s not, though dashes of reality creep in.  So here’s a dash, perhaps a Mrs. Dash—I always play the female characters in Left 4 Dead games.  In L4D, it was all Zoey all the time.  In L4D2, as this comic depicts, Rochelle was my girl.

I love Valve’s female leads.

*Editor’s note*  The following anecdote contains hyperbole, myth and a complete disregard for the Oxford Comma.

Nearly a year ago, when my wife and I found out we were expecting our first child, she suggested that if we had a girl we might consider naming her “Zoey.”

Every nerd molecule of my being exploded in a symphony of joy… it was all I could do to restrain myself from pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose, thrusting my index finger into the air and shouting, “Mmmmm!  Capital idea!”

As an experienced husband I knew that my wife wouldn’t love the idea of naming our first child after a videogame heroine—even Zoey.

It wound up being a moot point as we wound up having a beautiful boy–Indiana Gandalf Janney Jr.

Cheers

Real Names and Addresses

Real Names and Addresses published on 3 Comments on Real Names and Addresses

Kudos to Jim on this week’s super-secret mouse over text.  If you missed it mouse back over the comic… I’ll wait.  If you didn’t laugh or at least snicker, then I’m going to ask you to channel your inner thirteen year old and mouse over it again.

Penis is always funny.  I’ll prove it to you with the Power of Mathematics!

PENIS+CLICHÉ=COMEDY

Try this experiment: Replace a noun in almost any cliché with “Penis.” It’ll be hilarious.  Here are a few to start with, just replace the highlighted noun with “Penis.”

“That’s no skin off my nose.”

“Whoa, let’s not put the cart before the horse.”

“The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”

“He’s got the eyes of a hawk.”

“Eat your cake and have it, too.”

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”

And finally…

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

See, you can’t argue with Math.

That’s about all the dick jokes I can summon for one day.  With that I welcome you to Unicorn Soup, tell your friends, but maybe not your Mom.

Cheers,

Jack

P.S.  If you’ve got a better penis cliché don’t keep it to yourself, post it in our comments!