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Internet Diagnosis

Internet Diagnosis published on 5 Comments on Internet Diagnosis

After reading this Doctor Tobias Funke said, “I wish I could bottle what makes this funny.”

I’m always a decade late in my TV obsessions. This summer I’ve watched Firefly, Arrested Developmentand I intend to give Doctor Who another shot.

The problem isn’t so much that the shows I love are long cancelled–though that is a problem, it’s that referencing the shows in conversation confuses people terribly.It requires a lot of crappy exposition from me to make the jokes intelligible. It’d be sort of like writing a blog that was intended to be funny and loading it full of hyperlinks to ensure that your audience could follow the meat of the discussion.  When people know the shows, I usually just get a polite smile. I feel like Michael Bluth in 2004 making a “Not” joke from 1992–jokes run their course and the delicate art of the humorist is to know when to stop.

As to the comic itself–And this is why you never take your pants off in front of the computer.

No matter how innocent your reason.

No matter how cogent your explanation.

No matter how pure the contents of your web-history.

Everyone will think you were whacking it.

Which if you sat there longer… let’s be honest, is real possibility.



PS:  People who liked this comic about masturbation might also enjoy these fine creators (obviously a NSWF is possible with each of these).

Legacy Control–“Internet Explorer”

The Frumps–“The Net is Down”

The Obscure Gentlemen–“Dad Dad Daddy-O”

TWXXD–“New Directions”

A Dish Best Served Cold

A Dish Best Served Cold published on 1 Comment on A Dish Best Served Cold

I like the expression, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

I can’t help but think that when the Klingons coined the phrase, they had borscht in mind. Both revenge and borscht are a kind of punishment. Neither is very pleasant–though if you’ve got to endure it it may as well be cold.

It can’t make it any worse.

Any Foodies who once saw Bobby Flay extol the virtues of borscht and have stored away his snarky borscht loving rant, perhaps even practicing it in the shower can kindly shut it. No one likes beets.

They’re gross.

Thanks for reading, now go buy that special lady in your life some ice cream–if she doesn’t finish it you’re entitled to woman scraps.



The Method–Our 50th Comic!

The Method–Our 50th Comic! published on 5 Comments on The Method–Our 50th Comic!

“The Method” represents Unicorn Soup’s 50th comic.

Happy 50th to Jim!

Happy 50th to me!

50 is indeed a big number, a number which wouldn’t have been possible without our loved ones and friends.

Thanks to our lovely spouses for putting up with, supporting, critiquing, and encouraging Jim and I in our comic pursuits. You smile when we act like children, and we love you for it.

Thanks to John Pezzetti for designing our website. His generosity with his time and talents is extraordinary.

Thanks to our friends and family who laugh at the caricatures they inspire.

Thanks to our gaming friends who continue to provide us with more material than we can produce. You are a wonderful and bizarre group of people.

Thanks to our fellow creators for their support and encouragement. I am terrible at Twitter and yet you still seem to like me–too kind, all of you.

Thanks to our readers for laughing at our jokes. I hope that we only disappoint you periodically.

Finally, thanks to my creative partner Jim for wading through my early scripts with a machete, and for graciously referring to my hideous grammatical mistakes as “typos.” You’re a great friend and I suspect we’ll meet each other some day. Our children will laugh and play, our wives will tell stories of our nerdery, and we’ll sneak off to play guitar.

Thank you all for being a part of my charmed life. That you would take time to read my silliness humbles me.  But you do, and for that you have my sincere gratitude and love.

To 50 more comics!



Everyday is Halloween

Everyday is Halloween published on 2 Comments on Everyday is Halloween

Since brevity is the soul of wit…I’ll be as long as I want.

We cut the cord today. At 2:53 pm the wife and I ushered in a brand new chapter of our lives.

This chapter will be written entirely without cable. I’m so proud, and $60 a month richer.

Like the 7 million other Americans who I wrongly believe cancelled their cable subscriptions this year, cable just didn’t make sense to us anymore. With Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Hulu all on my PS3 I never watched it anyway. I’m too impatient to watch any series week to week, and it’s simply impossible for me to wait for them to come out on Netflix, so invariably I’d rent or buy them anyway. Cable TV companies, like newspapers, bookstores, and any other information that can be digitally distributed, are doomed.

A quick tangent, part of our cord-cutting was over our general frustration with HBO and their HBOGO service (a service we’re excluded from because our cable carrier didn’t support it). All my wife and I wanted to do was watch Game of Thrones Season 2, then cancel our subscription like normal people.  We’d also have been happy to buy Season 2, like we did Season 1 on Amazon Prime, but the cable companies and HBO have put up too many barriers to accessing their content. I have no doubt that there are a host of legal agreements that prevent HBO from distributing like AMC did The Walking Dead, but it’s still infuriating.

I’m a petulant and coddled media consumer. I want my tawdry fantasy world full of complex and compelling characters, and I want them now! I want the Imp, the Dragon Chick, the White Walkers! Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee, now, now now!

A really nice article appeared in Forbes on just this topic and how it has helped spur the well over 25 million (a number I didn’t make up) pirated GoT downloads.

Oh and I swear if any of you nerds post spoilers I’ll bury you alive in a box. Just like my boy Bob Newhart.