I’m afraid to share this blog.
What will my readership think of me?
A readership I have no doubt numbers well into the teens. Even if it costs Jim and I readers, I’m tired of living a lie.
I’ve sinned and the only way to deal with the depravity of my nerd sins is a nerd confession.
Here goes, for your chastising pleasure I’ve grouped them into Cardinal and Venial Sins Against Nerd-dom.
I haven’t played Minecraft, and I think it looks idiotic.
I liked Armageddon, and that Aerosmith song.
I’ve pretended to be a huge fan of both “Firefly” and “Dr. Who,” though I got bored with both after the first episode.
I don’t really think Slave Leia is that hot.
If you ask me who will win between Kirk and Picard I honestly think… *yawn* What were we talking about?
I’ve yelled “Leeroy Jenkins,” referenced it in conversation, and this blog but have never, nor will I probably ever watch the video. It’s a video right?
I consistently misspell “Wookiee” as “Wookie” and “Tatooine” as “Tattooine.”
I’ve watched every season of The Guild but I’m not sure why.
I will let my son play with the Grimlock that I got for Christmas in 1984.
Googling things seems like an awful lot of work, I’d rather just not know.
Huh, I was hoping for catharsis.
Instead I just feel sort of exposed. So, who wants to go watch a few episodes of “Dr. Who” on Netflix? I love that show.
PS I really shouldn’t read “The Crucible” right before I do these.
The comic–Jim gracioiusly agreed to let me release my inner pedant. So, prepare your skullcave for some book learnin’.
Fact: It’s well documented that James Joyce was a Pokemon fiend.
Fact: Hemingway hunted everything including the Covenant.
Fact: Zelda cooked with a Tommy Gun and F. Scott could Tokyo-Drift.
Fact: I spend too many hours on the couch.
We need recreation, but tabulation of the hours, days, weeks poured into those hobbies invariably triggers some deeply seated Catholic guilt response in me.
Or more elloquently,
When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless…
Don’t let your talent lodge worthlessly within you friends.
We never test our comics on focus groups. Here are some of the questions that they couldn’t have asked because they don’t exist.
Can a t-shirt with “+1 Charisma” get me laid?
That’s not a simple question. Follow along closely and I’ll be able to give you a customized answer.
Step 1: Roll your d20 and add your Charisma modifier to it (If you don’t understand this nerd talk skip to Step 5)
Step 2: Add your opponent’s Will Save plus another d20.
Step 3: Add a +2 to your roll if you met your opponent at a nerd convention. Add +2 to your opponent’s Will Save if you met them anywhere else.
Step 4: No. No it won’t get you laid.
Step 5: Sure, why not. It’ll get you laid.
*If you found any errors or issues with the way I calculated my Will Save vs Charisma Check, you might just die a virgin.
Wow, “two and a half minutes!” What’s your secret?
I think about kobolds in funny hats. Like a derby hat or sombrero.
“Operation Caligula Sunset” is a strange title. What’s it mean?
Meaning is tricky. As I see it, it could mean one of two things.
- If you’re familiar with Caligula’s legend then you’ll know that at sunset Caligula’s carriage turns into a pumpkin and his horses turn back into mice. The parallel here is pretty clear so I won’t belabor the point
- Sometimes a whale is just a whale.
I’m having a really hard time telling the difference between Rachel McAdams and Amy Adams. Can you clear up the difference?
It’s a common problem. In reality, they’re the same person.
Just like Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling.
On a related note, she was very good in both the new “Muppets Movie” and “Midnight in Paris.” Whereas he was very meh in both “Green Lantern” and “The Ides of March.”
This script had its origins in Facebook.
In other news from ‘”Duh Magazine,” Facebook is a weird place. One that Jim makes me inhabit for the more efficient distribution of Soup.
Even though I’m a resident, I’m not terribly comfortable there. It’s a weird parallel universe that I struggle to embrace and understand. It may be that I’m an introvert, and the urge to mute everyone who’s cluttering up my wall is all too irresistible.
I’d like a neat, tidy, and silent wall thank you (Unicorn-Soup readers excluded of course, you all can clutter away).
Although a “Friends List” full of muted people clearly defeats the purpose of Facebook, it sounds to me like the perfect incarnation of the site.
All that said, Facebook is great in a lot of ways it…well it lets you…
I guess if nothing else it did inspire this comic. There’s that.
P.S. Follow us on Facebook! If for no other reason than to mute us.