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When the Wife’s Away

When the Wife’s Away published on No Comments on When the Wife’s Away

To my fellow husbands… I’m sorry.

I’ve betrayed secret husband knowledge for a hilarious joke.

Part of me regrets it, part of me is surprised it hasn’t come out before. Everyone knows that Mrs. Butterworth is a hyper-sexual tease, but I shouldn’t have said it.

I hereby throw myself at the mercy of the Order I’ve betrayed, “The Secret Association of Spousal Secrets and Yardwork” more commonly known as S.A.S.S.Y.

By the way, Gentleman of S.A.S.S.Y., my previous motion to amend our group’s acronym still stands.

That aside, I’ll keep our most important secrets.

I’ll never reveal why our clean laundry must remain in piles. Nor how we can effectively avoid meaningful conversations about every haircut our wife ever gets.

I’ll never reveal that all of our weightlifting playlists are at least 50% Lady Gaga. Most importantly, I’ll never reveal that mowing the lawn really only takes about ten minutes and probably shouldn’t count as a chore.

S.A.S.S.Y. please don’t tell me that I no longer S.P.A.R.K.L.E. (Symbolize Paternalistic Aggressive Regressive Knowledge Lethargically Emitted)



Oh, and we really, really need to work on our acronyms.

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