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The Rolling Dead

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Every Monday Jim sends me a new finished strip, and every Monday I tell my wife, “This is the best one we’ve done!”

No doubt, I’ll say it again next Monday, but for now this is certainly my favorite.

It’s tough to tell a complete story, minimize dialog, and keep it funny in under a page–my hats off to my comic brethren who can pull it off in three panels.

To my mind this is one of our most successful pieces in all those regards. We’ve got four well realized characters (five if you count “The Roller!”), nice set-up in Panel 1 that leaves you wondering what that lovable scamp is up to, curious Mom delivers a Panel 2 joke set-up that the Boy kills in Panel 3 with the big “Roller Reveal.” Panel 4 establishes the final, and strongest, joke via the Girl’s enthusiastic outburst which leaves the reader with the aggravated Mom scolding the inappropriately proud Dad.

What does it all mean?

Well, hopefully it means someone at Valve will read it, pass it on to the Grand Master of Gaming Gabe–who’ll shoot Jim and I an invite to tour the studios. We’d gladly sign over the rights to “The Roller” special infected as well.

Think it over Valve.

Oh and Alyx Vance better not die in Episode 3… just saying.

Cheers,

Jack

The Rolling Dead

The Rolling Dead published on 5 Comments on The Rolling Dead

Happy Halloween! Or Jesus Ween, if you’re so inclined.  I love the idea of Jesus Ween because I love double entendres! And I particularly love it when people are oblivious to them. But my favorite form of celebration this time of year has to be the Mexican form.  Sugar skulls, papier-mache devils, good food, good drink– Dia De Los Muertos is the way to go.

I Can Haz $4 Mic?

I Can Haz $4 Mic? published on 2 Comments on I Can Haz $4 Mic?
Yes you can haz $4 mic!

 

New isn’t better.

The first generation Xbox 360 headsets were simple and efficient.  The mute and volume controls were easily accessible.

Then came the “Chat Pad” that no one bought.

Most manufacturers followed Microsoft’s lead and began placing the mute and volume controls inline rather than as they were originally designed near the control pad.

Not only is inline placement a poor choice, but the audio-jack was clearly designed to fit snuggly in the QWERTY Pad rather than in the controller itself.  As a result the mics often don’t fit well and are prone to static.

I hate this design.

There’s a $4 fix.  My old mic broke so I was shopping Amazon and came across these little gems.  They’re Prime Eligible, cheap, work well, and best of all have the original control set up.

You’re welcome readers.

Dark Souls Diary 8

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Dark Souls Diary Entry 8

Daily Deaths: 1
Total Deaths: 40
Bosses Beaten: Moonlight Butterfly, Capera Demon, 2 Butcher Mini-Bosses, Giant Rat

Current Level: 29

Sweet Loot: Evil Eye Ring, Spider Shield, Soul of the Moonlight Butterlfy, Magic Weapon Spell

Awful Moment:  Falling down a trap in The Depths getting cursed, then dying, and losing 6,ooo souls and a humanity.

 

I’m not a numbers person.  Mark Twain said it best when he said, “There are three kinds of lies.  Lies, damned lies, and statistics.”  That said, I’ve got some amazing numbers today.

One daily death.

Two major bosses beaten.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.  I said it a while ago, but I’d like to beat Dark Souls in under 150 total lives and if I keep up this solid play I just might. Though Jim’s comment a while ago about multiple Taurus and Capra Demons leads me to believe that I’d best save plenty of lives for end-game.

Last night started off with a successful run at the Moonlight Butterfly.  It’s really pretty easy–roll past its attacks, smack it in the face when it lands.  Game Over.  The Butterfly drops its soul which can be used to craft a spear or shield, according to whichever of the competing Dark Souls Wiki’s I checked.

That was a good win for me and a great way to start off the night.  Next up for me was the Capra Demon.  My new strategy is to take a few runs at a boss as a spirit before I tackle them on my own.  So I joined a game as a spirit and helped a caster take down Capra.  It all seemed too easy–so I ran back to Firelink to use up my souls and undo my hollowing.  I was really hoping to get at least two spirits into my game, but given some of the complaints online about the trouble with summoning I was willing to settle on one.  This was really the first time I’d been intent upon summoning other players into my game–and it worked.  It worked really well.  Within two minutes of summoning my first player I had a second in the game and just like that the Capra Demon passed into legend.

My brother had really talked up the Depths so I was pretty geeked to hit it.  Before that though, I upgraded my attunement level to 12 so that I could use two spells/miracles.  I bought the Magic Weapon spell… which I now regret.  It’s a fine spell, but it doesn’t buff weapons that already have magical properties.  In all likelihood I’ll upgrade my spear Partisan and use that spell in some kind of super-tank mode, coupling it with my Black Knight Shield.  I should have bought a miracle instead, but such is Dark Souls.

I love the confusing level design of the Depths.  I also really like the “Butcher” mini-bosses–they reminded me instantly of the Butcher from Diablo.  By this time of night I was feeling pretty cocky, a common theme for my Dark Souls play.  I’d beaten two bosses without dying, whomped a couple of Butchers… that’s when the floor fell out from under me.

Sort of.  I wasn’t looking where I was going and I fell into a hole…the worst hole ever.  Moments later, the word “Cursed” covered my screen, a moment after that I was dead.  Did I mention loving the level design in the Depths… let’s call it love hate.  In that hole I’d left more than 6,000 souls, a humanity, and to top it all off I was cursed.

This was a, “$#&$#^ it!”   Moment for me.

I decided my best chance at getting my souls back was to head over to the healer in New Londo.  On the way I fell off a bridge.  I wasn’t pushed.  I wasn’t backing away from an enemy.  I just walked off… like an idiot.  Okay, so I died twice–the idiot walk just didn’t really feel like it should count as a death.

Mark Twain was right about numbers.

Daily Deaths:  2

Total Deaths:  41

Cheers,

Jack

Tub-Bot

Tub-Bot published on No Comments on Tub-Bot
This comic was inspired by an actual “Tub-Bot.”
Think you’re playing with a Tub-Bot?
Follow, Jack’s easy guide to “Rooting out the Sentient Killing Machines” to find out.
Does the “person” in question have any of the following traits:
  • Pleasant Demeanor
  • Preternatural Reaction Time
  • Overactive Conscience (This trait would come out in the form of frequent apologies in competitive play–Though Tub-Bots crave carnage, they’re guilt stricken by it, largely because of some Asimov Code that still inhabits their neuro-network)
  • Aversion to Cornbread (I can’t verify that Tub-Bots actually hate cornbread, but because I’ve not heard them claim to like it, I feel it’s safe to assume they hate it…also, I needed a fourth bullet point)
The Tub-Bot who has identified himself in our comments section as, “Motubmo” has voiced to me privately that he’s not fond of the term  “Android.”
Rather, he prefers to be called an “Artificial Person.”   Well my android friend, “Hillbillies” want to be called “Sons of the Soil” but that’s not going to happen either.
I for one refuse to be held hostile by the Pro-Android media elites, and their Pro-Android agenda (sic).
Cheers,
Jack

 

Tub-Bot

Tub-Bot

Tub-Bot published on 5 Comments on Tub-Bot

Good reference material is very important in getting good drawings.  When I have to represent a well known game or movie character, I’d better make him or her recognizable. Details of costume, features or location are hard to remember, and reference makes the difference between instant recognition and, “who’s that supposed to be?” If I’m going to draw Red Beret or Baird, I need to find the details and shapes that make them who they are.  Even if you play a game religiously, when it comes down to details, you might not remember anything useful. Fortunately, we have the internet to tell us.  Unfortunately the internet likes small, blurry images that obscure the detail you seek. The “Large” setting in Google’s image search helps narrow your results to images that might carry enough detail to be useful.
For the record: “Safe Search” is your friend.  You have no idea the kind of nasty crap you can expose your brain to with seemingly innocuous search terms.  Or maybe you do.  I’m not here to judge, you sicko pervert.

Dark Souls Diary Entry 7–Ring My Bell Edition!

Dark Souls Diary Entry 7–Ring My Bell Edition! published on 6 Comments on Dark Souls Diary Entry 7–Ring My Bell Edition!

Dark Souls Diary Entry 7

Daily Deaths: 2
Total Deaths: 39
Bosses Beaten: 1 Gargoyles, 1 Mini-Boss Black Knight

Current Level: 25

Sweet Loot: Black Knight Shield (Awesome!), Gargoyle Axe, Heal Miracle

I can kick the hell out of a Gargoyle.

This isn’t vanity or ego.  Like Muhammed Ali said, “It’s not bragging if you can back it up.”

Oh can I back it up.  My first run at the Gargoyles I had them down to about 10% health–that was without a summoned NPC.  My next run was awesome, with the White Knight’s help I absolutely crushed them.  So handily did I beat them that I actually took the time to avoid killing them while I worked on acquiring the Gargoyle Axe.  The axe is actually the primary demon’s tail, if you land enough hits on the tail will come off (much like the Red Dragon/Drake Sword).  The axe looks awesome, especially when you wield it two handed–it actually bends like the Gargoyle’s tail.  Sadly it’s terribly weak… so it won’t be taking the place of my Drake Sword or my back up Astra’s Straight Sword.

After beating the Gargoyles I climbed the nearby bell tower–it was clear that this would be my moment to enter other players’ worlds and give them hope.  It’s not a common experience in gaming to feel pride, but as the bell rang out and the “Achievement Unlocked” signal flashed I felt some genuine pride.  I also found myself wondering who may have heard my bell toll… if any of you were on last night at roughly 10:45 EST you may have heard my bell.  If you did please drop us a line–I’d really like to know.

In any event, killing the Gargoyles was no doubt helped by the amazing shield I picked up earlier that evening.  In the tower near the Iron Boar there’s a black knight to kill him simply draw him down the stairs.  His attacks will (for the most part) pass harmlessly over your head, his overhead attack you can easily block.  The loot for me was the “Black Knight Shield.”  It’s awesome–100 Physical Resist, 95 Fire, 65 Lightning, 30 Magic.  Basically, it’s a keeper.

My brother got the “Black Knight Sword” from this knight, which has me wondering if the drops are class specific or just random.  I’m playing a knight and got the shield, he’s playing a ranger and got the sword.  Anyone else kill this knight?

I also picked up the Healing Miracle.  I’ve got a Faith of 14 and honestly, since I switched to the Drake Sword from the Astra Straight Sword, it’s been going to waste.  So I decided I was going to start buying some Miracles–Heal seemed like a good choice I didn’t play much after I bought it so I’ll let you know later how well it works.

Tomorrow I’m working on the Capra Demon or perhaps the Butterfly Demon.

Find out who is no longer with us in Thursday’s update.

Cheers,

Jack

Dark Souls Diary Entry 6

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Dark Souls Diary Entry 6

Daily Deaths: 12
Total Deaths: 37
Bosses Beaten: 1 (Titanite Demon)

Current Level: 24

Sweet Loot: Dragon Scale, Grass Crest Shield, Elite Knight Armor Set, Partisan, Black Leather Armor Set, Long Bow

The Titanite Demon has shuffled off his immortal coil–and I helped him shuffle.  Muwhahaha.

And how did I kill the Titanite Demon?

Well, I killed him with exactly 124 wooden arrows.  When I landed my first arrow it did barely any damage and I thought to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be horrid to waste all my 124 of my arrows on this guy and not actually kill him?”  So 123 arrows later I notched my final arrow… praised the sun in my mind and collected a boat load of souls!

Quick tip on the Titanite Demon, he’s actually really easy to kill.  When you enter the room move down the slope and slightly to the left.  At range he attacks with a lightning bolt, so position yourself so that his lightning bolt strikes the broken pillar just in front of him then notch your 124 arrows, grab a drink and spam the left bumper.

Aside from that triumph I really just did a lot of milling about.  I killed the large purple dragon in the Valley of the Drakes and harvested a dragon scale from him… when I’m disciplined enough to hold onto 10,000 souls I’ll upgrade my Drake Sword with it.  I got my first look at the Capra Demon, though it was in phantom form.  Jim and I were trying to get into one another’s game but the stars weren’t aligned for us.  So I wound up being pulled into another players game and we rolled over the Capra Demon.  From what everyone else who has fought him says, I should relish this victory.  Apparently Capra will kick my ass for a while.

I fought the Gargoyles and got pounded, I think my new rule of thumb will be to tackle bosses as a phantom a few times before I try to do them myself.

Walking Dead Season Premier was on tonight so there was no gaming for me this evening, expect my next Dark Soul Diary Tuesday.  I’m dedicating my next game session to beating the Gargoyles so it’s time to play odds maker.  Given that I’ve faced them once already how many times will I have to face them Monday in order to beat them:

1–5 Times:  “I believe in Mr. Jack!”

6-10 Times:  “You’re old so you know how to handle a proper boss fight.”

11-15 Times:  “Eventually, the Gargoyles will just feel sorry for you.”

Never:  “Maybe in 15 years Baby Indy can show you how to game.”

 

Cheers,

Jack

 

Follow Unicorn Soup on Facebook and Twitter

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Thanks to all the Dark Souls fans for sending our readership through the roof!

Don’t stop following us now though!  Find us on Facebook by searching for, “Unicorn-Soup” or on Twitter at:  twitter.com/unicornsouptogo

Cheers,

Jack